PERKATORY

Tastes like: Wedding cake, mascara tears, and polite rage!

PERKATORY is the roast for bridesmaids in trauma, ex-wives in pearls, and women who've smiled through the chaos with one eye twitching.  This roast isn't festive -it's funeral chic. 

She's sweet. She's unhinged. She's the emotional support roast for anyone who's attended more breakdowns than brunches.  This isn't holiday cheer. It's holiday survival mode in a limited-edition bag. 

💋 REAL Ones Only:

• RSVP yes to weddings, while silently screaming no
• Can quote breakup poems from memory
• Bought matching dresses and matching trauma
• Brings her own flask, fake smile and exit plan

🔥  Roast Specs:

• Roast: Medium - warm, spiced and lightly vengeful
• Origin: Brazil, Peru, India
• Flavor Notes: Cinnamon, clove, chocolate, seasonal regret
• Altitude: 1000 -1700M
• Varietal: Bourbon, Caturra, Kent
• Process: Fully washed + sun-dried
• Soil: Festive guilt and generational pressure 
  
  

  ADD TO CART because every celebration is secretly a crisis ... and this roast understands.